Randomsauce Moscow

russia-desu-chan:

Parent: You know, I didn’t have a cell phone or a computer when I was your age!

Me:
 image

(via staysassyclassysouthern)

  • Me:

    I'd like a Coke.

  • Waiter:

    is Pepsi okay?

  • Me:

    yeah, she's fine. the surgery went well and she's looking at a full recovery.

  • Waiter:

    fantastic. I can't wait to see you two drop by here again. she's a nice gal even though she's got an odd name. I'll bring your Coke around in just a moment.

princealonzo:

Is she running for president yet?

princealonzo:

Is she running for president yet?

(Source: readmyquiet, via grow91)

cr1me:

one of my favourite moments is when i’m sitting on a toilet completely drunk and i just smile and nod at myself in silence

(via staysassyclassysouthern)

stfueverything:

neptunain:

remember when children used to say “i know you are but what am i” bc never in my adult life have i found an incident where that phrase is more appropriate

image

(via staysassyclassysouthern)

pollypopit:

relahvant:

asktheteamofscientists:

hobgoblinhero:

danadies:

yes-master-thank-you-master:

The Kum and Go. Or as my mom called it, the ejaculate and evacuate.

Jizz and jet

shoot and scoot

blow your load and hit the road

bust ya nut and off ya strut

pray

pollypopit:

relahvant:

asktheteamofscientists:

hobgoblinhero:

danadies:

yes-master-thank-you-master:

The Kum and Go. Or as my mom called it, the ejaculate and evacuate.

Jizz and jet

shoot and scoot

blow your load and hit the road

bust ya nut and off ya strut

pray

(via staysassyclassysouthern)

beinggigantic:

*steps over the border into california* 

*red hot chili peppers plays*

(via koopakoot)

slydig:

how do i get abs without doing anything

(via slutwhat)

neenuhbee:

queenaisling:

a-weeping-fangirl:

When the back of a book has a bunch of reviews instead of a summary

Except for Ellen’s book right

image

and tina fey’s
image 

(Source: cosettemartell, via delicatelyshattered)

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